Friday, July 27, 2007

Feeling Guilty? Learn to let it go...

A friend of mine is feeling guilty these days because she lost her temper with her 9-month-old son and raised her voice and wanted a break. I don't know one mom who hasn't raised her voice at one time or a mom who hasn't felt the need for a break. For her, I'd like to share an older post-

You're Not A Bad Mom If...

(abbreviated list-it could go on for days)

...you didn't have a natural, drug-free birth

....you didn't/don't breastfeed....you have/had postpartum depression

...you don't cook a homemade meal every night. (Did you know spaghetti O's don't have preservatives? Pair with a salad if it makes you feel better)

...you're just too tired to read a book to your child tonight. (Your child might want 2 books the next night when you have the energy)

...you can't afford a trip to DisneyWorld

....you raised your voice....you need a break from your kid(s)

....your house isn't spotless and free of toy-debris

....your child throws a tantrum. (for most kids, it's the best way they know how to communicate their feelings)

Being a mom shouldn't mean living with the guilt of not living up to the title of "perfect parent."You're not supermom. You can't always do everything you or your kids want.You're human, you're going to make mistakes and you learn from them.I know it's difficult not to feel guilt or inadequacy. But, remember those feelings come from judgments of how you think things should be based on the perceptions of the world. In other words, you feel that way because you think you're supposed to.

As parents, we're constantly judged by others. I have strangers walk up to me in the grocery store and tell me with an appalled tone to put socks on my son. "Aren't you worried his feet are getting cold?" I just ignore them. I know I do worry about my son, but he keeps taking off his socks and throwing them on the ground. I think he'll survive while we purchase some diapers and milk. While we were out running errands another time, strangers remarked about my daughter having a dirty face. Yes, I would prefer my daughter have a clean face too. But, I'm not going to fight or bribe her if she doesn't want to clean her face-especially since the main reason to clean her face is the thought of how others are going to perceive her and me. Since then, she's learned on her own to clean her face.It's the same scenario as when a kid throws a tantrum in public. We're so worried about what on-lookers are thinking, we change our parenting. We should stay our parenting course. It shouldn't matter what others think.Always remember, YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN and YOU'RE A GREAT MOM!

1 comment:

Invite the Party said...

I used to feel guilty, and strived to be the perfect Mom. It's exhausting. So now I'm a pretty good Mom and you know what, my kids love me just the same. I think my friends feel a sense of relief that they don't have to keep up. The thing I've learned is these kids grow up in a minute. One minute they are born and the next they are graduating from high school. My kids are 10 and 12 and I don't know where those years went. So just enjoy the time you have with them. It's so wonderful!!!!!